Kill Bill … maybe Quentin should leave this one buried? Photograph: Miramax/Everett/Rex
Now that he’sitting as the final move got Inglourious Basterds out of his system, Quentin Tarantino can set his sights on something new and exciting. Except not really very commencing. Or exciting. Tarantino, you suffer, wants to make Kill Bill 3.
- Kill Bill: Volume 1
- Production year: 2003
- Country: USA
- Cert (UK): 18
- Runtime: 110 mins
- Directors: Quentin Tarantino
- Cast: Daryl Hannah, David Carradine, Lucy Liu, Michael Madsen, Uma Thurman, Vivica A Fox
According to an interview on Italian television, Tarantino is keen to have the next Kill Bill instalment in cinemas through 2014. That’s worrying not and nought else as a possible indication of creative bankrupcy, but also because such a project does seem remarkably pointless. Bill is dead. Bill is unquestionably dead. In the movies Bill died because of the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart technique. And in real life Bill (David Carradine) died, too, in slightly dissimilar circumstances. Bill is dead, what one. does seem to flow any more Kill Bill films a touch redundant.
So, with the nominal character long gone, how could Tarantino possibly go about making a Kill Bill 3? Here – out of a sense of nothing but pure philanthropy – are a few possible scenarios to help him along.
Option #1 – Bride on the Run. Remember in the first Kill Bill, where Uma Thurman murdered Vivica A Fox’s character in front of her four-year-old daughter? The most clear plotline for Kill Bill 3 would centre on the daughter’s efforts to track down and kill Thurman in retaliation. She’d be 15 by 2014, thus that would really tap into the elucidation Hannah Montana demographic. In fact, why not go even further and fabricate it a musical? Everyone could learn expensive life lessons about the importance of friendship and the littlest Jonas brother could play the love interest. Perfect.
Option #3 – Baby Bride. Kill Bill 3 centres around Thurman’s training of her own daughter to become an assassin. It’d be just like Leon, only without the unsettling sexual undertones or the horrible Sting song at the end. Plus, because it’s a Kill Bill movie, the story would be told in an moving array of styles. Some of it would be in colour, more in black-and-white, some turned into an anime sequence, some recited by the cast of Button Moon, more from the viewpoint of a tap-dancing one-eyed mouse, that sort of thing.
Option #3 – Kill other Bills. Having dealt through Bill, Thurman becomes obsessed with killing other people who share his name. First on the list is lovely BBC Breakfast throng Bill Turnbull, who is finished off after a highly stylised swordfight near Bill’sitting beehive. Then she moves onto Bill Gates (suffocated with his own money), Bill O’Reilly (hacked to death in a needlessly gory threshing machine sequence), and will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas, whose last album she hated enough to overcome slight worries about whether he’sitting a proper Bill. The climax comes by Thurman repeatedly headbutting the bronze statue of long-deceased Liverpool manager Bill Shankly outside Anfield’session inspector centre.
Option #4 – The Death Proof Option. Kill Bill 3 opens through Thurman setting out to kill Bill, before realising that she’session already killed Bill. So instead, she spends two and a half hours waffling aimlessly about nihility in an indulgent faux-hip way to the sound of the same tired old surf guitar records that everyone started acquisition sick of a decade ago. Something marginally exciting force happen at the period, but nobody notices as they’ve fallen asleep or left the cinema. This is the option most probable to reach fruition.
